Feeling Loved during Pain

pain gibran

We all need love. Perhaps the times we are in pain, we need it the most. The nature of the human condition is such that we have a divine desire to give share and accept love. But sometimes, the circumstances of our life overshadow that. I have experienced a way out…

Before you complain about Meditation, let’s talk nitty gritty. Or TMZ. Seriously though, meditation has been embraced by enough celebrities! So, what more reason do you need? I mean, how weird could it be if Katy Perry, Sting, Hugh Jackman and Ellen DeGeneres all do it? 😉  Most 12 step recovery programs include meditation in their steps and daily practice of a spiritual program. I knew last year I needed to meditate. I tried to learn to meditate. I tried to quiet the endless spinning locomotive of tangled thoughts in my mind, to clear some space and listen. But I was still in resistance. I still didn’t really want to yet. What was blocking me? It’s not like I was trying to achieve nirvana or everlasting peace. I was just trying to sit quietly for a few minutes.

Perhaps NOTHING was blocking me. Maybe it wasn’t yet the right timing. Have you ever tried to force something before it was time? Honestly, that is the story of my young adult life. It’s exhausting trying to over manage and make things fit when you aren’t in the FLOW of the universe. But thank the beautiful heavens, the universe is patient. If something isn’t fitting, we can relax, breathe in and let our heart expand. We can get quiet and let the presence of the divine lead. It is truly amazing how patient the universe is to wait for the timing that would best enable our comfort and joy. It takes a lot of practice to trust that timing, but if we LET GO and ALLOW our lives to happen, they become so much richer and fuller.

My timing came at an “I Can Do It” conference, completely by surprise. I thought I was there to hear world-class speakers tell their story. The universe had decided my tree was ripe and the fruit of meditation needed to be plucked, and bitten into, until the juices ran down. I finally meditated successfully for the first time. Coached by Wayne Dyer, Panache Desai and Davidji, the stars aligned for my sun from within to finally begin to shine again.

Perhaps the most shocking gift of meditation is the paradox that follows. When I get quiet and take time to listen to ME, I become more deeply connected to YOU. We are of the same light, the brilliant light that connects us, that beautiful energy that holds you so that you know you are not alone.

For me, if I’m honest, God is not a bearded Jesus or a noble man sitting in the heavens on his white throne. Although many Christians take refuge and gain great spiritual help from the traditional teachings of the Bible, my path has proved different. The cross and the commands do not comfort me, but rather have been a source of deep shame I have had the courage to work through.

But this process of meditation is different. It connects me with a higher power that isn’t an idea, it’s an EXPERIENCE. It connects me at the soul level, at the heart level and through my entire body. It gives me a simultaneous peace and joy that I have never felt until now.

My struggles with relationships, work, fighting cancer, self identity, spirituality and the constant hope and search for a life path have all had the darkest of days. But from the other side of the tunnel, I am here to report that these excruciating moments in my life have paved the way for the road to beauty.

deepest pain

Panache Desai calls it, “stripping the emotional density.” It’s painful to let go and to change. But this change and acceptance allows us to truly BE who we are called to be.

The only way I know to LIVE through these intense moments is to go within. To sob, to hold the space, to be in the moment, to be all that I am and know that I am not what I am feeling, creates a tiny crevice of light. Into this crevice seeps in the beautiful energy of the divine when I relax and surrender. I meditate; I heal; I breathe I surrender. I close my eyes and breathe deeply into a vibrational shift. I experience the vast nature that connects us all, and even in my pain I feel loved. May you find this sacred space in your own way and time, and experience the love that connects us all. Namaste.

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